Anxiety and other Creative Illnesses

2016

Anxiety, depression and ADHD have come to be accepted parts of myself. When I was younger I tried to fight and ignore my symptoms, treating them like a sickness that could be cured. I have learned that they will always be present within myself, and I am in the process of using that acceptance to transform how they affect me. They are, of course, not without their problems and frustrations.
I am hyper aware of my surroundings and my own presence and often search for an escape. At times I am overwhelmed with sights or sounds or even my own thoughts and worries. Sometimes it feels like someone is grabbing a hold of me from every direction, sometimes I feel at war with my own mind. The most effective escape is sleep. I spend a lot of my day longing for an empty space to be in the quiet, without a lot of irritating imagery around me.
Frustration is by far the most present aspect of my conditions. Like most people who have these kinds of disorders, I am often aware of when I am having a panic attack or a particularly hard day with focusing. But being aware does not make it easier to get out of bed or to face my problems. In this series I focused on different kinds of frustrations I experience and how I express them, internally and externally. The sensations I experience are not always able to be explained, they don’t have sense or reason, but they are nonetheless real.